


My Version of Happiness

by Jisatsu05



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Human Names, aromantic norway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28801140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jisatsu05/pseuds/Jisatsu05
Summary: Aromantic Lukas. That's the plot.---I saw a fancomic that queerbaited him as aro, but he ended up with a partner anyway -_-I'm here to rectify such injustice.
Kudos: 5





	My Version of Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even hc him as aro, but I'm apparently the only who writes non-romantic fics anymore. Oh, well, please enjoy!

Growing up, the thing everyone cared about most was their soulmate. From the second the concept was explained to them, every child waited for the moment that their soulmate's first words to them would appear on their wrist. Some were nice like, “Oh, you’re so kind,” and others not so much, “Watch where you're going, asshole!” 

I always just found that to be funny and ironic. I thought it even more so when my brother showed me the words on his wrist the day they appeared: “E-boy style with a gremlin personality; not bad.” Such slang hadn’t even been around back then, but I smiled for him despite the rather amusing revelation.

That same night he asked me, seeing as I’m older, “Why don’t you have words on your wrist yet?”

“I don’t really know,” I told him, “but I don’t think I mind.” 

For years, I was told that I was a late bloomer. Surely, I was bound to have a soulmate, but I didn’t think that I did. I still don’t, and I’ve never had the desire for one either. People never liked it when I said that extra bit of information, though.

“What do you mean, Lukas? Papa said everyone has a soulmate.” 

“I think Papa’s mistaken. I think only the people who want a soulmate have one.”

“So you don’t want one then?”

I shook my head from my spot at Emil’s bedside. “Not really. I’d rather be here with you and Tino, Mathias, and Berwald.”

“What about a best friend? Papa said that soulmates can be best friends like you and Mathias.”

“They can be friends,” I told him, “but I don’t want a soulmate. I’m just me, and I like that. Not being soulmates doesn’t change the fact that I have friends.”

“I get it now.” With a smile, Emil then said, “You’re really special then, right? Different from all the rest!”

“I guess, you could say that, but I don’t think I’m anything special. I’m just like you, and not having a soulmate doesn’t change much.”

“Hey, Lukas? Why does Papa still think everyone has a soulmate if you don’t have one?”

“I think it’s because I’m the first person like me that he’s ever known. Papa just doesn’t want me to feel lonely, but he doesn’t get that I don’t feel lonely at all. One day, he’ll accept that not everyone has a soulmate, but for now, he’s probably just confused. Papa means well, though.”

“He’s being dumb if he doesn’t listen to you. It’s not hard to understand if I get it.” Emil let out a small yawn. “I’m happy that you don’t have a soulmate. You don’t need one. That just means you can spend more time with me.” Emil’s eyes started to shut as sleep began to take hold of him. 

“I’ll always have time for you, for everyone we call family.” The way Emil tried to force himself to stay awake was adorable, far too characteristic of him. “Go to sleep, Emil. You had an exciting day.”

* * *

When we were really young, before words appeared on his wrist, Mathias always said that he’d marry me. 

I told him he was stupid for thinking that. 

In return, he’d say there was no way for me to be so certain because neither of us remembered the first time we spoke together. 

I’d give him that, but it was immediately followed up with, “I’d know if I had a soulmate.”

Looking back, that should have been the first sign for everyone that I’d never come to have one.

The first time Mathias started to understand that I might not be his soulmate was when the markings showed on his wrist. Neither of us had even heard the word “ineffable” before that point, and when he realized that, he swore there had to be some mistake. He locked himself in his room for a few days waiting for the “mistake” to fix itself. 

When he finally accepted that the words on his wrist wouldn’t change, he unlocked his door once again. It took him a lot longer to admit that there wasn’t some other mistake taking place in the universe, however. 

“Something’s still wrong,” Mathias told me confidently. “I know it!” He declared that nothing would be decided until my soulmate markings appeared. 

Nothing I could say turned him against the notion.

Day in and day out, we held each other’s hand like we always had as children. Quite frequently, I saw him try, and fail, to sneak glances at my wrist. 

I never tried to stop him because I knew I didn’t have a soulmate. To me, those childish antics were just part of what made Mathias himself. 

It wasn’t until over two years of waiting that Mathias truly started to accept that this wasn’t some mistake in the universe. 

“I guess, I just didn’t want to believe that you weren’t my soulmate, but I get it now,” Mathias said after pulling me aside one day. “I must have been really annoying. Thanks for putting up with me.”

I didn’t know how to respond at the time. “Why did you think I was your soulmate? I told you I don’t have one.” 

“I know.” That laugh held an emotion I still can’t place to this day. “I just want you in my life no matter in what, and I thought that’s what it meant to be someone’s soulmate. I guess I still have a lot to learn.” 

“I want you in my life, too,” I told him, “but why would I have to be your soulmate for that?”

“I just don’t know what it means to be someone’s soulmate yet.” He held out his arm and pulled back his sleeve. “These words on my wrist, I don’t know what they mean to me just yet. For now, I don’t want to worry about it. I’ll understand what it means to be tied by fate soon enough, but right now, I’m really happy with our friendship, Lukas. I’ll never let soulmates take that away.”

I think that was the first time I well and truly felt heard. I was told that, to Mathias, a relationship not tied by fate was just as important as any soulmate bond. To him, they were equal, and it finally felt like someone was talking with me, not to me. 

All my life, I’d been told that soulmate bonds were more important than any other relationship in your life. I’d been told that any other relationship was inferior. At the time, it made me worry that nobody would ever take me seriously because every family bond, every friendship, every acquaintanceship would be deemed as inferior. But there I was being told by Mathias that what we had wasn’t inferior. That I wasn’t inferior. 

I think I cried of happiness that day. 

* * *

Berwald and I never really talked about soulmates when we were younger, and I was thankful for that. For some reason, though, I think it took him longer than Mathias to accept that I didn’t have one. He had been like my father in that he couldn’t imagine someone not having nor wanting a soulmate. 

“That sounds lonely,” he said to me when we were still quite young. “You can’t want to be alone, right?”

“It’s not lonely. You know I don’t want a soulmate.” 

Every time I said something like that, his eyes would search me. 

“I’m not having this conversation again, Berwald. Let’s just not talk about it if this is how it’s going to be.” 

That was how most of our conversations about the topic had gone. However, those conversations only seemed to increase in frequency as time went on and we got older.

Berwald wasn’t stupid, though. Just like everyone else, he knew I lacked any writing on my wrist. That only perplexed him more. It just didn’t make sense to him. In a way, he was like Mathias in thinking that there had to have been a fluke.

We were far from children when he decided to seriously broach the topic of soulmates with me. 

“Can we talk?”

God knows I didn’t want to. Only a few weeks prior did Berwald encounter his own soulmate. He didn’t need to state the topic for it to be known.

Still, I entertained him.

“I don’t get why you weren’t given a soulmate, and I’ll never get why you don’t want one,” he started unimpressively, “but I’m starting to realize that it doesn’t matter if I understand.”

I remember not being able to say anything. 

“Even though a soulmate makes me happy, the same apparently isn’t true for you. Our truths may be different, but that doesn’t make yours any less real.”

For a long time, neither of us spoke. I could only stare in disbelief.

“Thank you.” 

That was the feeling of relief. 

For as long before that as I could remember, I’d unknowingly been waiting to hear Berwald say that. I had been waited to be acknowledged. Even if Berwald didn’t quite understand.

Hearing him say that felt like being told, “I’m sorry for having thought I knew you better than yourself,” and coming from him, it meant everything.

* * *

The first time I told Tino that I didn’t have a soulmate, he accepted it without hesitation, and he told me I was lucky to not have one. He made me smile when he said that.

According to Tino, he spent every waking minute thinking about his soulmate. I’ve never been able to fathom that a single person can be so time-consuming and energy-draining. When Tino heard me say that, he laughed.

Ever since we’d known each other, Tino talked about the topic a lot. It never really bothered me, though. He never forced the conversation onto me since he knew how I felt. Not to mention, his emotions were always genuine, and I liked seeing him so passionate. 

With him, talking about soulmates felt almost like talking about our friends. It never felt like the tiresome discussion that it often was with other people. Although there were times I simply couldn't understand his sentiments due to not having a soulmate of my own, it felt like any other conversation for the most part.

Not once had it ever felt like Tino expected something unreasonable of me. 

“What’s it like to have a soulmate?” I asked him eventually. Before that point, I’d never wanted to ask anyone because I didn’t know how they’d react to such a question from me of all people. 

But Tino made me feel comfortable. He wouldn’t make the question a bigger deal than it needed to be.

“Well, what does it feel not having one?” He asked in return.

“I don’t know how to describe it. I just know I don’t want one.”

“That’s kind of how it is for me. I can’t put it into words, but I also know I wouldn’t want to go my whole life without meeting my soulmate.”

My questions ended there. It would have been pointless for either of us to try understanding, but asking the question hadn’t felt pointless in the slightest. 

"Hey, Tino?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

“Make sure you introduce me to your soulmate when you meet them."

All he could do was smile. "You know I will."

**Author's Note:**

> Please consider leaving a comment about what you thought, how you felt, if I did a decent job, etc. Thank you! ^_^


End file.
